Misconceptions
by Uphill Both Ways
Summary: Izaya dies and Shizuo's not as happy as he thought he'd be...he's ECSTATIC. Shizuo Crack.


Shizuo turned off the television without a hint of a smile. It took a moment to absorb what the ever-trustworthy news reporter said; Orihara Izaya was dead. _Dead_.

Long gone and _never_ to return—thanks to some profusely apologizing truck-driver.

For a minute Shizuo merely stared at his blank television set. Then—

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, ABOUT DAMN TIME!"

A smile bigger than Kanye West's ego cracked onto his expression, and Shizuo felt just so damn _happy_—no, _**ecstatic**_. This moment, this centripetal bliss, it made him need to just….just…._do_ something, and so Shizuo quickly jumped from his couch and sent it flying through the wall of his apartment, opening a gaping hole into his neighbor's bathroom, but really just didn't _care_, and went so far as to hug the poor, anonymous child who was brushing his teeth in preparation for school.

"He's dead! He's dead! The flea is finally dead!" Shizuo grinned in explanation, only to have the boy stare at him with horrified wide eyes and run out the off-hinge door calling for his mother. Shizuo was too elated to care about the bills and probable law suit he'd get; Izaya was still _dead_.

Shizuo's energy was bubbling with positivity, he called Kasuka at least nine times just to say "hi" within the same ten minutes, his brother asked carefully if he was on drugs, alcohol, or had finally tipped insane.

"Nope, you see, the greatest thing in the world just happened, and Izaya kind of died! Isn't that just _amazing_?"

Kasuka didn't seem to share his enthusiasm, but Shizuo didn't let it get to him. He simply sauntered off to find someone else to share this _glorifying_ news with.

On the way to, well, not particularly _anywhere_, people cast strange looks at Shizuo, steering clear of the infamous violent man, but this time because of the menacing grin on his face, the skip in his step, and the way he just tossed 'hello''s and 'how are you''s at random people and/or objects along the way.

He even stopped to buy a kid ice cream.

"Hello, Orihara Izaya is dead, have some ice cream!" The kid gave him a look that questioned his sanity, but accepted the frozen treat nonetheless.

Passing Simon, Shizuo acknowledged the Russian first for once.

"Oh, Simon-san! What a lovely day to be selling sushi!" It was beginning to rain. But Shizuo wouldn't let that stop his parade.

"Shizuo-san! What has you in happiness today?" The sushi vendor inquired in broken Japanese, but Shizuo just patted him on the back instead of letting his normal pet peeve get to him.

"Didn't you see it on the news? That good for nothing flea is dead!"

"Oh, Izaya-san? He was good customer." Simon guessed, somewhat unnerved at Shizuo's behavior.

"Yes, yes, well keep doing whatever the hell it is you do, and…well…yeah!" With that Shizuo skipped off again, and Simon only just realized that he forgot to ask the man to buy some sushi.

In just a little while longer, Shizuo had found Kadota and his gang, and he talked animatedly with his old classmate, despite having little to no communication over the past few years.

"And just like that, dead! Like, no more! It's just brilliant! Brilliant I tell you! I may just go and hug that beloved truck-driver to death from this sheer joy!"

Kadota stared passively at Shizuo, trying to avoid his flailing hands, but thoroughly amused at the other's uncontrollable joy. An unsettling image appeared in Kadota's mind at the mention of Shizuo's hug. Kadota winced.

"I thought you wanted to be the one to destroy him or whatever." Kadota offered, slightly interested.

"Well yeah, initially, but I just don't even _care_ now! I'm so much more happy that he's dead from someone else, actually, because you know how I hate violence," Shizuo spoke at ten miles a minute and it was starting to give Kadota a headache. Erika and Walker were more than enough blabber, but Shizuo was starting to grip so hard on the table they were seated at outside of some café, that Kadota was starting to fear the happy Shizuo just as much as the angry Shizuo.

"Just. So. _Happy_!" The table went in the air, and a considerable distance away.

"Oops, did I do that? No worries." Shizuo grinned, and Kadota thought ever-so-dearly of the van he'd much rather be in at the moment.

For the most part of the next hour, Shizuo just continued prattling on about how overjoyed he was to Kadota, the other man resorting to cleverly hidden Advil to soothe the splitting pain in his head. After Shizuo finished with a sigh, he got up from his chair at the still table-less spot, and bid farewell to Kadota as he went to unleash his perpetual joy on one unsuspecting civilian or another.

Kadota watched warily as the man crossed the street dreamily, completely forgetting to look for oncoming traffic and thusly getting smashed into by two cars. Kadota pulled out his cell phone to call Shinra as Shizuo apologized brightly to the demolished vehicles, and went on his merry way despite the yells of frustrated drivers. Shinra was quickly informed that it would be in his best interest to detain Shizuo before half the city was destroyed.

Shizuo didn't resist Celty whatsoever as she asked him cautiously to ride back to Shinra's apartment with her, the man just bounced up and down on the back with a mantra of "deaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddead" that Celty was rather concerned about, though she didn't press for details.

On the ride back home though, she was given _many_ details, some which she really did not quite care for, as Shizuo continued to ramble on about how much the world had changed and what a better place it was due to Izaya's non-existence.

When they reached the doctors apartment, Celty was ready to silence Shizuo with one of her shadow conjurations. Despite her affection for him, his crazy talk was getting almost as bad as Izaya's was. Shinra welcomed them with a wide smile, and three students appeared from the kitchen as Shinra sat the bouncy Shizuo on his couch.

"Ohh, what are these people here for? Have they heard? Heard the wonderful news too?"

Shinra gave Shizuo a questioning look, but turned to Celty who was about to type a response to Shinra's inquisitive glance before the single girl from the trio spoke up.

"Um, I actually came to see Celty-san, and, um—"

"We couldn't just let this beautiful, erotic girl walk around the street by herself! So me and my awesome self and Moekado came along to protect her!" The blond boy exclaimed from beside the indifferent girl.

"Kida…" The boy dubbed 'Moekado' mumbled, embarrassed by his friend's typical outburst.

Shizuo missed Shinra's meaningless babble to Celty about why the trio was there in the first place, but he knew he had seen the blond boy, er, Kida talking non-too-pleased to Izaya on multiple occasions. And the generous person inside Shizuo would never keep the blessed information of Izaya's death from a (possible) fellow hater.

"_So_, Moekado, Kida, Anri—"

"It's Mikado!" The boy blushed from his friend's nickname.

"—yeah, okay, sure. Anyway, wouldn't you just be _delighted_ to hear that your absolutely favorite person to hate, at least in my case, Orihara Izaya is dead?" Shizuo gave them a wide-eyed look of unadulterated joy, and they shot confused glances at each other before Shizuo continued.

"So guess what I'm going to do now! I'm moving to Venezuela!"

"Venezuela—what the hell, Shizuo, why?" Shinra suddenly joined in the conversation.

"It's been a life-long dream of mine!"

"Since when?"

"Well since the beginning of my life, obviously."

Shinra sighed, utterly confused as to why Shizuo was hell-bent on moving to Venezuela, having missed the part where Shizuo explained Izaya's death.

"Shizuo, do you even _know_ Spanish?"

"Not a bit! But there's always time to learn! Hell, I'll learn fifty-two languages after I move there, fifty-two is my favorite number after all. Oh! Especially Chinese so that I can finally understand what those people are saying behind my back when I go into a nail salon with Kasuka! Then I'll come back knowing Russian so I can speak to Simon in his native language when I come visit! And Shinra, I'll even try and learn your medical jargon, way too obnoxious for me to understand; I bet that counts as a whole new language. And don't get me started on politics, I'm gonna run for—"

"Shizuo! Where the _hell_ are you getting these ideas from, or even the money to accomplish them?" Shinra interrupted, bewildered by Shizuo's unlikely display of energy. Shizuo threw his hands in the air, forgetting that he had been gripping the couch and sent it crashing into the wall behind him.

"No idea! Oh, oops, sorry." Shizuo didn't sound apologetic at all.

No wonder Kadota asked to get him off the streets.

"Holy hell, Shizuo what's gotten into you!" Shinra exclaimed, and Celty remembered that she was going to tell Shinra before they were distracted, but then Shizuo cut her short of typing an explanation.

"I thought you'd understand! Izaya is dead! That annoying bastard has finally bit the dust! I don't understand why you're not thrilled as well, it's a fucking _miracle_! Oh, I feel like singing, though I absolutely hate singing and don't know any songs anyway—well, there's always the alphabet, even the Spanish one! I'll get to practice for Venezuela! Ready? A—"

Incessant laughter from the back of the room cut his song short. Shinra looked absolutely horrified, the trio of students were utterly confused but entertained, and it was impossible to tell with Celty. The six gazes shot immediately to the source of the noise—

—to find none other than Izaya Orihara standing in the kitchen threshold.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!, Oh my god, Shizu-chan, you really WILL kill me, ahahaha! This is just too entertaining, oh dear lord!" The laughter-laced voice raked at Shizuo's ears. Izaya clutched his sides in his laughing fit, and leaned against the doorframe for support.

"Uh, I don't suppose you'd want an explanation?" Shinra asked, seeing Shizuo's confusion and rage bubbling to the surface of his once-happiness.

"You're supposed to be fucking DEAD, flea!" Shizuo growled.

"Ohhh, Shizu-chan, I really have no idea what you're talking about. Could it be that you had a _dream_ about me? Oh no, wait—a _wet fantasy_ where I just _died_ from pleasure? AHAHAHAHAHHA!" Izaya's hysterics grew louder and Shinra and Celty feared for their apartment.

"IIIIIIIIzzzzaaayyyaaaaa, I saw it on the news this morning and—"

"On the news? You mean, when they announced the fatal accident that killed 'Isaiah Obadiah'?" Izaya asked slightly more controlled, pointing at a news paper with a similar headline that Shizuo saw on the news.

"Isaiah Obadiah…what the fuck? I could've sworn—"

"Sorry to disappoint, Shizu-chan, but I'm not about to just be off'd by a bad driver. And really, how the _hell_ do you confuse those names? Oh that's right, with your protozoic brain!" With that Izaya broke into another fit of giggles.

"I'm going to _kill_ you!"

"But by _your_ claims, I'm already dead!"

"You fucking _bastard_—" Shizuo started towards Izaya.

"Sorry Shinra, but I'd better go before my name _does_ wind up as deceased on the news!"

And with that a whole other chase began, and many, many people were confused.

* * *

**A/N: Originally for the LJ drrr! kinkmeme.**

** Posted here cuz that's just what ALL the cool kids are doing these days.**


End file.
